Held

Stacks of things-to-be-done surrounded (and still surround) me on my desk, under it, by the bed, but me, I was daydreaming. The way Dot described on Friday- replaying scenes of my childhood through my mind without really realising.

While thinking about something someone said about prayer, I remembered quite suddenly and vividly this one Sunday in Sunday School – this was the time when I was that closet cynic and rebel making snide remarks in her head over every single little thing adults in church did or said- that time when us upper-primary sunday-schoolers had to sit/perch on the tiny chairs in the AVA room in the kindergarten block (can’t believe I know the exact room) listening to auntie LL talk about… praying.

The memory’s so distinct I wonder why it never came to mind before! I was sitting in that corner from which you can’t see the main door, and sarah and amelia were there too (we used to learn the week’s memory verse last minute before class during announcements or brief talks like the one auntie LL was giving). She started talking about emergency numbers like 999. “You can’t dial 999 for no reason or you’ll get into trouble! But I tell you there’s another secret number, can anyone guess what it is? It’s what I call God’s telephone number. Anyone know?“

And me in my 12-yr old head was thinking: obviously we can’t guess so just say la, and then thinking: that’s clearly just to get our attention, and: what’s the link man among other things. But she did get my attention I guess. “It’s 333!” Another groan in my head. “Actually, it’s Jeremiah 33:3, so if you remember 333 you’ll never forget the verse.” And I think: so silly! the 333 combination can be found in any other book in the bible what, how to remember it’s Jeremiah right? Probably also: the verse isn’t a telephone number, it’s just asking you to pray like the bible always does (it does, but it talks about way more too)

But you know what, I remembered! Jeremiah 33:3, and what it says, and it’s been some 9 years since the fact. I had to look it up.

“Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.”

It’s so strange! Especially since there are all these other ones from Jeremiah that I know by heart or are familiar with cos they’re so commonly referred to, but still had to flip and flip and flip to find. Like:

29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. then you will call upon me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”

or

17:9 “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve.”

or

10:23″I know, O Lord, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.”

Anyway, I’m thankful for auntie LL’s giving to the Lord, the horrible snide thoughts her kind words provoked, only impressed deeper what she’d shared on my heart, so subtle! I’m thankful, for divine love, mercy, grace; that despite my rebellion God should pursue me till I gave my life to Jesus; that 9 years down, today remembering all of it, I can say yes, I have called to Him and indeed, He has answered.

Here’s the chorus of a song I’ve been listening to:

Help me not take for granted
that You should speak to me
That I should hear Your voice
sharpening my days
Help me not take for granted
that You show yourself to me
Jesus Christ my Lord
who alone has seen Your face
What sacrifice, You made to set me free
So wash me of my guilt,
To God I can draw near, in faith.

- God Speaks, Hwee Yen (from a cd I picked up last summer while back home)